A Lack Of Colour
by Sisiphus
Summary: Finally he lets it ring more than once. Over and over and over and over. He’s not sure if he wants her answer. He decides he doesn’t. He let’s the ringing continue. [Litish angst, set after 6x18. Oneshot.]


**Summary:** Finally he lets it ring more than once. Over and over and over and over. He's not sure if he wants her answer. He decides he doesn't. He let's the ringing continue. Lit-(ish) angst-(ish), set after 6.18

**A/N:** I just wrote this in the space of just over any hour. I read through it a few times to check spelling, punctuation, etc, but I'm pretty sure that it still won't be perfect. Also, I'm Australian, and (because Eddie McGuire obviously **hates** _Gilmore Girls_ and everyone that watches it) I have not seen past Rory jumping off the tower with Logan at the Life and Death Brigade shindig,and thereforeI only know what I've read in fan fiction and have seen from the Jess scenes I downloaded. Don't ask me were I go them, I can't remember (I know, I know, a wanky excuse, but I really can't).

Oh! And the title is taken from the song quoted at the beginning, which is Death Cab For Cutie's 'a lack of colour'.

**Disclaimer:** Yeah, I own nothing.

_I'm reaching for the phone_

_To call at 7:03 and on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home_

_But I know it's too late_

_I should have given you a reason to stay_

_Given you a reason to stay_

_Given you a reason to stay_

_Given you a reason to stay_

_This is fact not fiction_

_For the first time in years_

He calls her number over and over again. He lets it ring just once before hanging up, flipping his phone shut, wishing that he had one with an earpiece he could slam down. The idle flick of his thumb and soft thump doesn't mirror his frustration the way he would like.

On the sixteenth call she answers. By now he isn't even looking at his phone, merely letting his fingers perform actions he has control over, and he promptly hangs up on her without knowing.

(She is sitting in her car, pulled over on the side of the road. She stares at the device in front of her, all shiny plastic and electric currents. She thinks, mildly, that it's the currents that keep the plastic alive. She hates the metaphor, but it makes her want to turn around and drive back to Philadelphia anyway. She doesn't. Instead she listens to the high pitched screaming that begins and ends abruptly every few seconds and sobs silently.)

Finally (finally) he lets it ring more than once. Over and over and over and over. He's not sure if he wants her to answer. He decides he doesn't. He allows the ringing to continue.

('Flight of the Bumblebee' has played twice over now and she is too shocked to do anything as more than the first few notes fill the car. She's shaking when she answers.)

_I didn't think you'd answer_

_Either did I_

_I'm not sure… I'm not sure what I'm meant to say_

_Me either_

Silence.

_Are you going to tell him?_

_No_

_No?_

_No_

_Why not?_

_It's none of his business_

_Was him fucking other girls any of your business then?_

(She flinches.)

He flinches.

_I'm sorry. That was harsh. The thing is…_

He stumbles over words. For once he thinks that maybe (maybe) he has too many.

_The thing is that I want to ask you to come back. But I can't because I'm not sure if either of us deserve it_

_Maybe we don't. Maybe this is penance_

_Penance?_

_Karma, punishment, atonement, reparation…_

_I know what the word means Rory_

(She notes that this is the first time he's said her name.)

_I slept with Dean_

He cringes.

_I slept with Dean and broke up his marriage and Logan cheated on me. And you left, you ran away, and now I'm doing the same to you_

_And you think this is our way of making it up?_

(Deep breath.)

_Yes_

(No. But she wishes it were. She thinks that if this is her recompense then she can start anew sometime.)

_You're lying_

_Yeah_

_Maybe this is how it's meant to be. But maybe it's not a punishment. Maybe it's not the fates of the world against us, righting everything. Maybe this is just life. Maybe this is just us_

_I'm not sure I like that answer_

_I'm not sure I do either_

(She's still shaking.)

_Jess?_

_Yeah?_

_I'm not sure if I can be with Logan anymore_

_Huh_

He has nails digging into his palm, not sure if he is able to hold his phone any tighter without cracking the plastic casing. He thinks he knows how that cracking would feel if it were him.

_But I'm not sure how I can be without him either_

He's sure his fingers will snap with the pressure.

_What do you want me to say Rory? That you should leave or stay or whatever? I can't Rory! You know I can't!_

_Jess…_

(She cries into the phone, saline dripping into the mouthpiece.)

_Just… just go home Rory_

He wants to beg her to stay. He wants to scream and yell and cry at her through the phone line until she appears in front of him. But he already had his turn to break her (himself) and he can't break them anymore.

_Jess?_

_It is what is it Rory. And it's not us_

(Dial tone.)


End file.
